What to Do When You Can’t Remember Parts of Your Birth

For many people, the details of childbirth are crystal clear. But for others, birth may feel like a blur, with gaps in memory that can feel unsettling or frustrating. Whether due to exhaustion, medication, trauma, or medical intervention, not remembering parts of your birth doesn’t make your experience any less real or valid. If you’re struggling with missing pieces of your birth story, there are ways to gently explore what happened and find peace with what you do remember.

Why Do Memory Gaps Happen After Birth?

There are several reasons why you might not remember parts of your birth:

• Physical Exhaustion – Long labours, lack of sleep, and intense physical exertion can make memories feel hazy.

• Medications & Anaesthesia – Epidurals, pain relief medications, and general anaesthesia (such as for an emergency C-section) can affect memory formation.

• High Levels of Stress or Trauma – The brain sometimes blocks out distressing events as a protective mechanism.

• Medical or Hormonal Shifts – The rush of hormones during and after birth can impact how memories are stored and recalled.

How to Process a Birth You Can’t Fully Remember

If you’re struggling with missing parts of your birth story, here are some ways to begin piecing it together:

1. Write Down What You Do Remember

Even if there are gaps, start by writing down the parts you recall—how you felt, key moments, and any sensory details that come to mind. This can help clarify what parts feel clear versus what feels missing.

2. Talk to Someone Who Was There

A partner, doula, midwife, or birth support person may be able to fill in some details. If you feel comfortable, ask them to share their perspective—but only if you’re emotionally ready to hear it.

3. Request Your Medical Records

Hospitals and birth centres keep records of what happened during labour and delivery. Looking at your birth notes can provide factual details that might help answer lingering questions.

4. Process Your Experience Emotionally

Not all memory gaps need to be “solved.” Sometimes, the most important part is processing how you feel about your birth, even without all the details. Birth story processing can help explore emotions tied to the experience without needing full recall.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s natural to want to remember everything, but memory gaps do not diminish the significance of your birth. Your experience matters, whether or not you recall every moment.

You Don’t Need a Perfect Memory to Heal

If you’re struggling with missing details from your birth, know that healing is still possible. Whether through reflection, conversations, or guided birth story processing, you can find peace with your experience—even if some pieces remain unclear. Reach out for support and start your healing journey today.