Talking to Your Partner About Your Birth Trauma
Processing a traumatic birth experience can feel isolating, especially if your partner doesn’t fully understand what you went through. They may have experienced the birth differently or struggle to know how to support you. Having an open conversation about your birth trauma can help bridge the emotional gap, strengthen your relationship, and ensure you get the support you need.
Why Your Partner May See the Birth Differently
It’s common for partners to have a different perspective on the birth experience. While you may remember moments of pain, fear, or loss of control, they may focus on relief that you and the baby are safe. They may also feel helpless, unsure of what to say, or even carry their own unspoken trauma from the experience.
How to Start the Conversation
Talking about birth trauma can feel vulnerable, so setting the right tone can make a difference. Here are some ways to begin:
Choose the Right Time & Space – Find a quiet moment when you’re both relaxed and not distracted.
Use “I” Statements – Focus on your feelings rather than blaming or accusing. Example: “I’ve been struggling with how I felt during the birth, and I’d like to share it with you.”
Acknowledge Their Experience Too – Ask how they felt during the birth, and be open to hearing their perspective.
What to Share With Your Partner
If you’re unsure where to start, consider talking about:
Your Emotions: What you felt during and after the birth—fear, sadness, grief, anger, or helplessness.
What Was Difficult: Specific moments that were upsetting or traumatic.
What You Need Now: Whether it’s more emotional support, patience, or help finding professional resources.
How They Can Help: Practical ways they can support your healing, like listening, attending therapy together, or giving you space to process.
If Your Partner Struggles to Understand
Sometimes, partners may not fully grasp the emotional weight of birth trauma right away. If they minimize your feelings or struggle to engage, consider:
Sharing Articles or Resources – Sometimes hearing it from another source can help them understand.
Asking for Support in Specific Ways – Instead of general statements like “I need support,” try: “It would help if you checked in on how I’m feeling about the birth once in a while.”
Seeking Professional Guidance Together – Birth trauma therapy or birth story processing can help both of you process the experience in a guided way.
Healing Together
Birth trauma doesn’t just affect one person—it can shape your relationship, parenting journey, and emotional well-being as a couple. Open conversations, even if they feel difficult at first, can lead to deeper understanding and healing. If you need support processing your birth experience, reach out for birth story processing to begin your healing journey.